not a post.

I'm only posting this video on here because I need a viable link to upload it to a powerpoint presentation.

I'm so sorry I made this blog

It should never have been

I swear I'm better now. As a person. I'm not twelve anymore.

I'm sorry.

This is nothing

This is not an actual post. It is just a notification that I am in love with Matt Doyle, he is at the top of my Favorite People Ever list, and Bare: A Pop Opera should be recognized as a threat the national security for being too awesome.

But scroll down for semi-real posts!

I am in New Hampshire

(This is an old post. A few weeks after I'M HAVING A MOMENT.)

I am in New Hampshire. You may have gleaned this from the title of this post.

Anyway.

Tonight I had dinner with my grandma, my mother, and a couple who are friends with my grandma.

This couple consisted of a woman who was sweet enough, but who fell onto a small table at one point, knocking down several pictures and a lamp.

Her husband was a large bald man, who identified as "very" republican.

Because I live in a very civilized, advanced community, republicans have been a rarity in my childhood. Watching this man (Al. His name was actually Al.) was like watching some sort of primitive beast that frightens and fascinates you at the same time. Like a platypus, or Nessie.

However, hearing him actually voice political views was like watching a small, demented child poke itself in the eye with a spoon. And like with a demented child, you could take away the spoon, but they will go and find a stick or a fork to satisfy their desire for simple, repetitive movement.

When his wife told me she "knew the perfect boy for me," he eyed me carefully from his pink checkered armchair, ready to pounce if I showed even the slightest sign of lesbian-ness.

Then, when my mom said I used to be vegan, he looked positively alarmed and it took his wife unexpectedly collapsing for him to snap out of his "but...meat" trance.

During dinner, all I could think about were gay people and immigrants. I kept trying to steer the conversation back to political talk, but to no avail. However, my still emotionally-twisted mind took "gay people" to mean "THINK ABOUT BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN AND FEEL PAAAIIIINNN."

It didn't work out for me.

Just to satisfy my mind, which was beginning to shrivel and die without proper emotion-feeding, I said I had to go to the bathroom and stood there, looking at Brokeback Mountain pictures until my mind started to wake up again.

Here is what my mind does when forced to think about things with this level of emotion. When they come up, I try to not think about them. It doesn't work. They are there. But they are like a person freezing in a blizzard. They get a fire and are momentarily placated. Then they lose the fire and the chill seeps back into their body.

So I have to constantly provide my sad, demented mind with fire, lest it shuts down completely and I lose all sense of personality and knowledge and sit on the floor, hugging a pillow and rocking silently.

Or screaming loudly.

Whilst poking myself in the eye with a spoon.

UPDATE: I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this post to return to Brokeback Mountain. But it did. Because I am still having PTSD from feelings-overload, and I drank a ginger beer earlier that turned out to be alcoholic and my inexperienced brain didn't know how it felt about that. Apparently alcohol makes me ramble. Also, I didn't have anything else to talk about. This is the most exciting thing that happened all day.

Seriously. If I were to talk about the other things that happened today, this would just be: "DREW PICTURES! ATE CAKE! TOOK NAP! ATE CAKE! READ BOOK! ATE CAKE!"

UPDATE: I eat a lot of cake

Soap Operas

     Soap operas are like small yet extremely poisonous spiders. Or people who have AIDS, but you don't know they have AIDS, so you sleep with them, and it's fun, but then you have AIDS.

     I am not going to expand on that metaphor.

     Instead, I will present myself as an example.

     That is probably never a safe phrase. Anyway.

     I, a few years prior to my current awesome, became entranced by the comfortable pull of my couch and found myself without a good show to watch, but also without enough motive to stand.

     Please note the start of that sentence before judging me.

     Anyway, my friend had told me of Gossip Girl, which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like.

     It's about a bunch of teenagers in New York acting way older than they supposedly are. Also looking way older. Also, just being way older in general. You think they're in their twenties because they're lounging around in suits and cocktail dresses from Bendels whilst sipping whiskey on the rocks, dating incestuouly among their group of characters, closing business deals, and getting married.

     Then it'll remind you that they're all in high school.

     Yeah. Okay.

     Also, it is just...ridiculous. No one talks like that. No one wakes up in make up. No one is so rich that they can do literally whatever they want. No one-spoiler alert- accidentally kills their friend with cocaine, flees town, leaves their mother with her fifth divorce and their brother suicidal, comes back, and spends three episodes angsting about sleeping with the best friends boyfriend.

     Also, the poor people have incredible taste.

     And no one knows what they want.

     And I love it.

     I'm tangled in it's web of cheesy, fashionable drama. I have been bitten by the small spider. I have gotten AIDS from the person I didn't know had AIDS, or at the very least I didn't know I'd get AIDS from.

     I'm rewatching the show. It began two days ago, and I'm in the middle of season two.

     Right now, Nate is sleeping with this thirty year old named Katherine (who also happens to be a duchess) because she's giving him money for his family, which totally isn't prostitution, but he likes Vanessa. Blair, Nate's ex, is dating Katherine's stepson, Marcus, who is the Lord of somewhere or other. Chuck is in love with Blair but can't actually do anything about it because he's stupid. You're stupid, Chuck, just TELL her meh feelings waaah. Serena is dating Dan but only kind of secretly because some people know. Jenny likes dresses. Blair is blackmailing Katherine because Katherine is married (to a duke) but she's sleeping with Nate.

     Later, Blair dates, then marries a Prince, but he gets sick of her pretending to not be in love with Chuck, who she loves the whole show but they keep breaking up for shifty, unclear reasons, and marries her for business purposes.

     Spoiler alert, she ends up with Chuck and they have the most well-dressed baby in the history of mankind.

     I have stayed up past three AM watching this show every night this week.

     Jesus.

     And now, since I have no real ending to this post, a quote from Welcome to Night Vale.

     "Look to the obelisk. We don't know where it came from, but it's attracting a lot of cats."

UPDATE: Katherine is also sleeping with Marcus. a. He's her stepson. b. Her "sleeping with" tally is up to three people. c. I'm a hopeless girl,

I'M HAVING A MOMENT

This may be slightly ranty. I'm sorry.

I'm just very EMOTIONAL right now.

Why?

I'm watching Brokeback Mountain. 

It's 1:13 in the morning and I'm watching Brokeback Mountain. 

Being tired makes me emotionally vulnerable. I know this. It is a fact of my life. But tonight I decided, against my better judgement, to watch THIS MOVIE, of all the movies out there. 

And now I'm constantly pausing, shutting my computer, and flailing my arms around in the dark while whisper-shouting "Oh my god! Oh my god! This is so amazingly tragic and beautiful!"

Yes. I whisper-shout-called Brokeback Mountain tragic and beautiful.

If you disagree with that analysis, fuck you, I don't care. I'm allowed to freak out and  make metaphors out of everything I see. And I'm allowed to christen anything as adorable. Even gay mountain sex.

I love this movie. Don't judge me.

Also,  I am going to be constantly coming back and venting my feelings.

1:30

FUCK YOU ALMA

Who cares about your lonely soul?

Also, Jack would rather be with Ennis than Anne Hathaway

This is saying something

I'm having intensely conflicted emotions

JACK IS COMPLICATING EVERYTHING

AND ENNIS NEEDS TO STOP BEING TRAUMATIZED BY HIS PAST

Actually it's adorable, he just needs to stop being traumatized over someone killing an old gay man in his town when he was nine so that he and Jack can buy a farm and live happily ever after.

1:32

OH MY GOD ADORABLE FACE TOUCHY THING OH MY GOD MY BABIES I WANT TO HUG YOU BOTH

1:35

I HAD TO REWIND AND WATCH THE FACE TOUCHY THING AGAIN

1:40

In which Alma is a bitch and Ennis is bad with kids

1:47

Hey! Alma was Glinda in Oz the Great and Powerful

And according to IMDB, she was blonde sheep-girl from Dawson's Creek

Small world

1:48

Wait...

One minute Alma and Ennis are having sex and the next they're in a court room and she's getting full custody? Did I miss something?

ENNIS MY BABY

ALMA YOU BITCH I WILL RAPE YOU WITH FIRE

I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT WOULD WORK BUT YOU'RE MAKING ENNIS CRY AND THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE.

1:53

Can you say bad timing?

I feel sad and scared and hopeful and SAD and melancholy (fun word) and CONFLICTED

2:48

NO NO NOOOO WHAT SUPREME MIND FUCKERY IS THIS I'M DYING

I CAN'T LIVE IN A WORLD THAT ALLOWS THIS TO HAPPEN

tears

they are flowing

i can't even bring myself to capitalize or punctuate

that's how distressed i am

i am going to die

i actually think i'm going to die

there are just too

many

feelings

AAAHHH LET ME LOVE YOOOOOUUUUU

UPDATE: hehe I saw Anne Hathaway's boobies

SURPRISE!!!

It's Andrew Rannells!!

The Vast Planes of Nothingness

Hello. I have no life. Did you know that?

I found out today.

Want to know how I knew?

Do you want to know the moment that sent my mind spinning into the perpetually moving hamster ball of despair?

I watched Dawson's Creek.

Dawson's.

Fucking.

Creek.

I am so sad.

In case you are unfamiliar with this superb FUCK YOU to television, I'll give you a brief rundown.

I only saw the first fifteen minutes of the first episode, but they are scorched into my memory like a crop circle before an alien invasion.

It starts with Dawson, a sandy haired boy who strongly resembles a labrador. His lanky I-just-started-going-to-the-gym-and-have-not-yet-grown-full-muscles body is lying on a bed, with his feet on the pillow (what a hipster), watching television. Beside him lies Katie Holmes, pre dead-eyes.

They're watching a Spielberg movie, because Dawson has a total boner for Spielberg.

Their discussion involves the Oscars and a lot of hate towards Ghandi, and then Katie Holmes, whose name is Joey, decides to make things SUPER awkward. They have a whole conversation about how they're going to be starting high school and even though they've been best friends since first grade (because that happens), Katie Holmes thinks that her sleeping at Dawson's house, which she does like every night, is not socially acceptable.

He quickly calms her down and they go (HOLY SHIT I JUST HEARD A GUNSHOT OUTSIDE) to sleep. Cute.

The next day, three boys sail in little sailboats on a little creek. Katie Holmes sits in a chair on a dock, before a kid in a satan mask pulls her into the lake. Dawson gets mad at him for not doing something right. It is revealed that they are making a movie for a convention. How original.

Then, as they all grumble, a taxi pulls up to the house they are inexplicably using the dock of, and out steps a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, floral-dressed sheep of eighties (ANOTHER GUNSHOT). The boys saunter up from (her) dock to see her, and they introduce themselves. It becomes clear that sea-monster kid is a huge player, despite being as physically attractive as a potato bug. That's actually a really good comparison.

Katie Holmes is jealous of her competition.

Also, at one point, she says "I live down the creek."

You cant use roads, like normal people?

No?

That's too hard for you?

Well fuck you all.

Anyway, After that, the next day, Dawson and Blonde Sheep (I don't remember her name) (ANOTHER ONE TWO!! ANOTHER TWO GUNSHOTS!!)(Also, the song "If these walls could speak is playing and oh my god Norbert Leo Butz I want to give you a hug) are in Dawson's room and he's describing how he wants to nail Spielberg.

Which isn't weird at all.

Then Katie Holmes is quietly jealous.

Then Dawson and Potato Bug (Don't remember his name either. But I think the actor was named Joshua?)(OH MY GOD NORBERT LEO BUTZ I LOVE YOU) work at a video store, and this complete cougar walks in. Potato Bug is literally drooling, while she asks him for The Graduate, a movie with almost enough sexual tension to rival this scene. Then Dawson teases him for his zomg-ness.

This is around when I had to stop watching. I skipped ahead a little (her name might have been Mel?) to see if it got less boring, but no. It didn't.

Also, the whole show was tinted sepia.

It was like a bad instagram filter.

Here is Dawson:

Here is Potato Bug Kid:

Messed up, right? He isn't allowed to be a player. Anyway, I decided to not continue with the massive mind-fuckery going on there, so instead I binge-ate cupcakes and played tetris for like three hours.

Did I mention I have no life?

I play, on average, two hours of tetris a day.

I have left the house four times this week.

I watched every episode of The New Normal in two days.

Okay, that one I don't mind, because The New Normal is fantastic.

Also, I have memorized about six different musicals.

I listen to them when I play tetris.

I'm going to die alone.