Soap Operas

     Soap operas are like small yet extremely poisonous spiders. Or people who have AIDS, but you don't know they have AIDS, so you sleep with them, and it's fun, but then you have AIDS.

     I am not going to expand on that metaphor.

     Instead, I will present myself as an example.

     That is probably never a safe phrase. Anyway.

     I, a few years prior to my current awesome, became entranced by the comfortable pull of my couch and found myself without a good show to watch, but also without enough motive to stand.

     Please note the start of that sentence before judging me.

     Anyway, my friend had told me of Gossip Girl, which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like.

     It's about a bunch of teenagers in New York acting way older than they supposedly are. Also looking way older. Also, just being way older in general. You think they're in their twenties because they're lounging around in suits and cocktail dresses from Bendels whilst sipping whiskey on the rocks, dating incestuouly among their group of characters, closing business deals, and getting married.

     Then it'll remind you that they're all in high school.

     Yeah. Okay.

     Also, it is just...ridiculous. No one talks like that. No one wakes up in make up. No one is so rich that they can do literally whatever they want. No one-spoiler alert- accidentally kills their friend with cocaine, flees town, leaves their mother with her fifth divorce and their brother suicidal, comes back, and spends three episodes angsting about sleeping with the best friends boyfriend.

     Also, the poor people have incredible taste.

     And no one knows what they want.

     And I love it.

     I'm tangled in it's web of cheesy, fashionable drama. I have been bitten by the small spider. I have gotten AIDS from the person I didn't know had AIDS, or at the very least I didn't know I'd get AIDS from.

     I'm rewatching the show. It began two days ago, and I'm in the middle of season two.

     Right now, Nate is sleeping with this thirty year old named Katherine (who also happens to be a duchess) because she's giving him money for his family, which totally isn't prostitution, but he likes Vanessa. Blair, Nate's ex, is dating Katherine's stepson, Marcus, who is the Lord of somewhere or other. Chuck is in love with Blair but can't actually do anything about it because he's stupid. You're stupid, Chuck, just TELL her meh feelings waaah. Serena is dating Dan but only kind of secretly because some people know. Jenny likes dresses. Blair is blackmailing Katherine because Katherine is married (to a duke) but she's sleeping with Nate.

     Later, Blair dates, then marries a Prince, but he gets sick of her pretending to not be in love with Chuck, who she loves the whole show but they keep breaking up for shifty, unclear reasons, and marries her for business purposes.

     Spoiler alert, she ends up with Chuck and they have the most well-dressed baby in the history of mankind.

     I have stayed up past three AM watching this show every night this week.

     Jesus.

     And now, since I have no real ending to this post, a quote from Welcome to Night Vale.

     "Look to the obelisk. We don't know where it came from, but it's attracting a lot of cats."

UPDATE: Katherine is also sleeping with Marcus. a. He's her stepson. b. Her "sleeping with" tally is up to three people. c. I'm a hopeless girl,