Glitch. True Story.

Im super bored so I turned on the tv and it was some chick-flicky

show. My tv was glitching or broken on something, so it was stuck on a

clip that kept on repeating. If it was hilariously funny or profound

and deep, I may have tolerated it as a background for my gaming, but

unfortunately, it was neither

The clip featured two girls standing in a line, one blonde and one

brunette. This is the intense dialogue for this fantastically written

scene:

"cute boots! New?"

"ish"

"oh"

Bzzzzz

"cute boots! New?

"ish"

"oh"

Bzzzzz

"cute boots! New?"

"ish"

"oh"

Bzzzzz

Because of these sentences, the longest of which is "cute boots!", I

have been granted an inside look into what Hell was like. I did not

enjoy it. Neither did the shoes that were thrown in an attempt to

silence it by force. Or the pillows. Or books. Or tv screen.

Eventually I had to break the monotony, and thus attempted to turn it

off. The remotes "off" button did not seem to be working, as it does

half the time. I walked over to the tv and hit the off button. The tv

did not turn off.

I decided to let it play on mute, but as the remote is a jackass today

and the tv itself has no mute button, this plan was not carried out.

I spent about ten minutes on the couch mouthing the words the people

were saying and memorizing their every move. After a while I decided

that I was going crazy and if I did not shut the tv up RIGHT THIS

FUCKING SECOND I WAS GOING TO BE STUCK LISTENING TO THE SOUND OF TWO

BITCHES "TALKING" ABOUT BOOTS IN MY HEAD FOR THE REST OF MY FUCKING

LIFE!!!!

I pulled the tv plug out of the wall.

The outlet burst into flames.

I ran to get the fire extinguisher and found a post it that said "note

to self-buy fire extinguisher." it had a date on it. I assume it was

dated so we could remember the times of our fire fighting heroics. It

was dated yesterday. The only person home yesterday was our Brazilian

housekeeper, Esmerelda. This explained why all the words were

misspelled. It did not explain what the fuck had happened to our fire

extinguisher.

I ran to get a bucket to fill with water, but when I tried to turn the

water on, remembered my father telling me in the wee hours of the

morning "the plumber is here to fix the pipes. The water won't work

all day. If theres a fire, use the extinguisher." He actually said

that. As a joke, but still. Unfortunately, there was no extinguisher.

Thanks a lot, Esmerelda.

I ran to the fridge, figuring I could use milk or something. In said

fridge, I spotted a bottle of water. It was in a fancy bottle, but I

had no time to mull over this. I ran to the outlet and poured the

"water" over it.

It exploded.

I noticed a sticker on the bottle reading "Russian Vodka"

At that point, of course, the power went out. Because I don't have

enough fucking problems.

Luckily, the generator kicked in, turning on the lights, and the tv.

And so the horrible sound loop came back